A Loss of Creativity

Since we flipped over into the new year, I felt like a kind of lost my mojo a bit and I physically couldn’t seem to write anything for my blog. I had such a block of thoughts, and my mind felt very consumed with other goings on which are thoughts I guess are more for my journal than my blog. But today felt different, today I felt like I could write again, and I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed that it doesn’t disappear again.

The other day I was looking back at my old files on my laptop, back when I was at school and did a lot of things for my photography, it really hit me how a lot of my creativity seems to have vanished. The amount of things I used to do in my free time, purely for the passion of it was amazing, but I can’t remember the last time I did something like that.

Obviously I write a lot, on my blog and on paper, and I make and edit videos for my YouTube channel, but I’m talking things like; this one time me and my friend stood in the field behind her house (she lives on a farm so what I’m about to say is totally socially acceptable), and we gathered up all different coloured powder paints and just launched them at each other. We were covered, hair, face, body and all in coloured powder paint and the photos we got from it were so fun.

We also used to make a tonne of videos and upload them all on DVD’s so we could watch them when we were 21, so in just a few months time now! Which also means that they’ve been sat there for around 6 years now…unwatched since filming. I honestly can’t remember what they were even about now, so I’m really interested to see what we used to get up to!

Instead of eating our lunch at the dining table or in the lounge or wherever, we would pack up a picnic, flatten down all of the wheat in the field behind her house and sit there all afternoon, hidden away from the world and just talking and talking for hours.

Me and another friend would research and research for all of the abandoned buildings around the area that we could get to, just so we could explore them and see the remains. This may sound really odd to some people, but I am so drawn to derelict buildings, I find them so interesting. The fact that someone used to live there, or it was previously a fully functioning business and everyone just went about their day and afterwards it was just left to rot and deteriorate just completely draws me in. I’ve seen countless videos on YouTube of people exploring abandoned buildings, old mansions where there are still clothes in the wardrobe and teacups on the table, and I am just in awe. But despite my absolute love for these buildings, I can’t tell you the last time I tracked one down?

I get that we have to enter the grown-up world one day, and so maybe I don’t have time to go out and explore and capture all of these cool photos. But I feel like I have opened up my head, taken out a chunk of my brain with the label ‘creativity’ and thrown it in the bin to make room for all of the mature things I should be doing, because let’s be honest creativity goes hand in hand with being a little immature. I want it all back so badly. Going out, finding cool places with quirky atmospheres, or a beautiful field of poppies and snapping away arty pictures, is my idea of fun. Ask me to go clubbing, and I’ll probably say no, ask me to go with you to an abandoned asylum, 100% yes.

Life whirls past really quickly and I often find myself feeling sad and missing my younger self (I say younger self, I’m only 20), but I miss the person I used to be because I feel like I have lost a bit of her in the transition to adulthood and I want that piece of me back. This has been a bit of a wakeup call for me, so here’s to bringing out a heap of my creative side this year, and constantly exercising it to ensure it doesn’t disappear again!

Abs